Finding Hope and Closure in Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man

*contains spoilers for Marvel's Spider-Man: No Way Home*

When I was a kid, I kept up with a semi-regular journal. The older I got, the harder it was to remain consistent, but one thing I always did without fail was draft a “top 5 favorites” section at the end of every month. While I was in high school, my tastes changed rapidly, as did my favorites lists in all categories: movies, music, friends, books, and, of course, hottest actors. After watching No Way Home on opening night, I pulled my journals off the bottom shelf and made a surprising realization. From the week of July 7, 2012 through the end of 2014 (when the favorites lists stopped), only one movie remained on the list month by month: The Amazing Spider-Man. And not only that, it also remained in one of the top two spots consistently. I always knew I loved this movie and I always knew it was a staple in my early film repertoire. But one thing I didn’t know was how deeply seeded The Amazing Spider-Man was for me... until Andrew Garfield showed up on screen in No Way Home.

Looking back, I had always generally included The Amazing Spider-Man in my “Marvel phase”, when the original movies began coming out (Marvel’s The Avengers also made consecutive favorites lists in 2012.) But when Andrew Garfield walked through the portal into Ned’s living room, I realized immediately that The Amazing Spider-Man had been so much more than a “phase” movie. It was even more than a childhood favorite I simply had on repeat. It was a crucial comfort film and safe haven at a time in my life that was filled with deep caverns of depression and emotional turmoil.

The return of Garfield’s Peter Parker, for me, felt like everyone else’s “Steve from Blues Clues” moment a few months ago. I loved Steve, but he was never *that* character for me, so while I appreciated his comeback, it didn’t deeply resonate with me. But Garfield’s Peter simply existing in No Way Home healed something in me that I didn’t even know was broken.

Garfield’s Peter Parker served as the meeting point between Tobey Maguire’s Peter and Tom Holland’s Peter. Tobey’s Peter was a mature, grown adult. He had learned the balance of his personal life in accordance with his work as Spider-Man. In No Way Home, he was the “dad” of the group—the wise, emotionally centered mentor, you could say. Holland’s Peter, of course is still very much a kid. He makes rash decisions and is only just beginning to understand his grief. His arc in No Way Home revolves around the fact that he is young and learning to truly become Spider-Man for the first time. The moral conflict Tobey’s Spider-Man faced in the original trilogy mirrors Tom’s journey in No Way Home. Because of this, Tobey serves as an antithesis to Tom’s Spider-Man in the multiverse. Throughout the third act, in preparation for the battle and the final climax, Tobey acts as the gentle guide and shepherd for Tom. His knowledge and maturity is executed perfectly in the final scene when Tobey’s Peter steps in the way to stop Tom’s Peter from killing Green Goblin.

Garfield’s Peter, on the other hand, straddles the two opposing Spider-Mans (is Spider-Men the technical term?), representing a combination of the two. Ultimately, Garfield’s Peter has been brought into the multiverse (as with Tobey’s) to help Tom’s Peter beat up the villains and save the universe once again. However, they were also on their own personal journeys: Tobey’s Peter to guide Tom, and Andrew’s Peter to find his own closure and healing. He is still trying to reconcile the mistakes and losses in his past. He is learning how to work through his grief and loss as an adult, how to move forward, and how to apply those experiences to his work as Spider-Man. Garfield brings an air of bitterness and mourning to Spider-Man. He demonstrates numerous times that he feels he is to blame for Gwen’s death and that he is not the Spider-Man he should be.

Then, he catches MJ when Tom’s Peter cannot. His sigh of relief and nod toward MJ, realizing that he could be there for her in a way that he could not for Gwen, made me feel like I could breathe again. That solitary 15 seconds of a 148 minute movie; that final culmination of Garfield’s unfinished arc from the Amazing Spider-Man franchise, gave me closure I didn’t even know I needed.

The past few years of my life have been riddled with grief and loss. I’m in my early 20s, an age where I’m trying to figure out how to bridge the childhood I had with the adult I am today. Daily, I’m working through my life’s experiences and figuring out how they shape my identity now. No Way Home took the crumbled up pieces from my childhood and met me at the crumbled up pieces of my adulthood. When Andrew Garfield entered the multiverse, embarking on his own journey of self discovery and healing, it allowed me to fuse my thirteen year old self with who I am ten years later. He taught me that it’s okay to have those same feelings in the present and there’s always space to move forward, using my experiences, grief, and mistakes to help others. Grief and loss will never go away, but there is always hope; Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man taught me that.

Listen to Kayla and Noah's full No Way Home review here.